she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
