Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
