But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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