Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
