I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
