awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
