i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
