I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
