Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
