Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No subtext here. People are naked.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
