i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
