So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
