M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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