I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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