So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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