Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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