Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
