I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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