So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
