he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
