Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
