We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
