I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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