my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
