So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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