A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
