textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
