stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
