The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
