I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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