Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
