are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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