We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
