i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
