He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
