I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
