I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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