Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
