Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
