exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
