oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
