We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
a search helicopter?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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