who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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