it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he thought i was a dude.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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