I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
