3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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