You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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