I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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