Soap is not a condiment
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
