WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
