Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
