just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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